almightythirst | Deerington Inbox

[ She smiled warmly and glanced out the window. Being snowed in was at least nice, so they could spend some alone time together. With everything, she'd been needing that.

Him turning into a wolf was something she had been struggling to adjust to, though she knew it wasn't the worst thing. Still, it had been terrifying and she was thankful to B.O.B. After all you couldn't turn an omnic into a werewolf.

At least though, he was warm and she moved in a little closer, resting her hand on his knee. ]

Honestly Sugar? You're all the warmth I need. So I'd say we ain't doin' so bad in this storm.

[ Jesse laughs quietly and looks down at her with a warm, fond smile. Oh, how far they’ve come to get here. His hand comes to rest over hers, squeezing gently. He’s had to be careful about this new strength of his too. So many damn changes. ]

That was cheesy as hell darlin’. But I’m not complainin’.

[ He leans sideways into her, the hand still holding his mug resting on the arm of the couch. His eyes wander beyond the window, taking in the room. Lights and baubles decorate the space, all of it chosen and placed to Ashe’s specifications. Jesse had worried at first how she’d react to having the place all done up for Christmas, but having had control over it seems to have made all the difference. ]

With that and the house, this feels like one of those real sugary-sweet holiday movies. Y’know the ones, where a rich heiress falls for a good ol’ country boy…

[ He glances down at her with a hint of a smirk on his face. ]

Y’know. Hypothetically.

[ It had been cheesy as hell and she chuckles and shakes her head, a blush rising to her cheeks. ]

Yeah I know, it was bad. Kind of meant to be though... Look, I ain't so good at the romantic stuff.

[ Which may not have been altogether true because she had allowed herself to get close and seemed to be doing moderately well at it.

Ashe definitely liked the control over her environment, it had made living in a big country manor easier. B.O.B. had insisted they decorate and at least she'd been able to tell him how to do it instead of her parents.

She wrinkled her nose teasingly, but her eyes were caught up in his. ]

An heiress fallin' for a country boy? Sounds a little far fetched.

You’re doin’ perfect at the romantic stuff. Do I look like I’m not the happiest man in town right now?

[ He chuckles, caught up himself in how the lights reflect in Ashe’s eyes. The candles really were a nice touch, giving the room a hazy glow that makes her hair almost gleam. He tilts his head toward hers with a conspiratorial smile. ]

Yeah, don’t it? But it’s just one of those age-old stories. Usually they don’t like each other at first. Or they were childhood friends maybe that lost touch. But it always ends up with ‘em together, bein’ all cheesy on Christmas or Valentine’s or… hell, I dunno, President’s Day.

[ How does he know so much about romance novel tropes? That’s a mystery for another day. ]

[ He did look happy, and she knows she looks happy. It's still a hesitant happiness but it's spilling over the edges. Whatever reservations she has are being ignored as is the protective voice in the back of her head that tells her not to get close. She'd been a fool to think she could him and this at bay when they were living the daily life side by side again.

Yeah, you do. I kinda like it.

[ She leans her head in until her forehead presses against his, and closes her eyes to breathe him and the moment in. He smells intoxicating, and she sighs happily before opening her eyes again. She fully intends to ask him about that another day though. ]

I don't think I have ever even celebrated Valentine's Day. I guess if I'm that heiress and you're the that country boy, I'd better start openin' up to the idea.

Not sure I have either. First time for everythin’, right?

[ He hasn’t gone into too much detail with her about the finer points of his transformation, including the heightened sense of smell that tells him how long ago she must have finished her last cigarette. Or how he can hear her now from across the house, or even outside it. And now how, with her so close, all the sensory input is almost overwhelming in the absolute best way.

Instead of saying any of that, he waits for her to open her eyes again before pressing a light, quick kiss to her lips. ]

Speakin’ of holidays, how’re you enjoyin’ the Christmas season? Everything good?

[ He remembers how she’d felt about the holidays when they were younger, and he knows better now than to assume she’s as unaffected as she might appear. ]

I'll figure out how to make it nice. [ She will try, even if she has no idea, and isn't sure who or how to even ask for advice. ] Least we got time.

[ There was so much about Jesse that she was enjoying getting to know. Things she hadn't even realized when she was young she even wanted to know. It's been finding her best friend again but also so much more. She hasn't spoken any words of love, but when her eyes open and she feels his lips on hers, all that love is written clear as day in her eyes. Reaching out she smooths her thumb against his lips and she's smiling. ]

Christmas? It's goin' alright. Been nice enough, and busy. [ A thought occurs to her and she glances over under the tree. ] And it even came with presents. You been thinkin' at all about openin' those? I have been hesitant.

Edited (look at that wonderful html job i did there...) 2019-12-16 04:00 (UTC)

[ He can’t bring himself to point out that they might not have time. He doesn’t want to bring shadows of the past into their relationship—there are so many of those lingering already. But ever since Rei—and then Angela, and all of the other friends who have vanished—he can’t help but be aware of how precious this time is.

In lieu of pointing any of that out, he focuses instead on her smile. The feel of her skin on his. All of the things that are happening in the here and now. ]

You mean those ones that got dropped off few weeks back? Yeah, I uh… might’ve opened mine already.

[ He manages to look convincingly sheepish for at least a few seconds before his true grin breaks through. ]

Put ‘em in my wallet, so I have them all on me right now as a matter of fact.

[ Though she's loving the attention and the affection, drinking it all in, she gets sidetracked by curiosity that he's already opened his.

And without her. She gives him a frown but it's not a serious one, more teasing. ] Jesse McCree, always in a rush...

[ She's not so off put about it to not be extremely curious, moving in closer and sliding her hand up his thigh towards his pocket. ] Show me yours? [ She grinned innocently. ]

I don’t see how you waited this long. [ Had it been a gift from anyone he actually knows, he could have waited. But given where they are, he hadn’t been fond of letting an unopened box sit in his house for long.

He laughs quietly, the sound whiskey-warm and amused as she turns the flirtation up a notch. ]

Only if I get to see yours too. Fair is fair.

[ Since she’s already most of the way there, he doesn’t reach down to help her out with the retrieval of said wallet, watching her instead with a playful grin. ]

[ Ashe was flirtatious in general, even when she had no intention of pursuing anything. She'd always noticed that Jesse had that same kind of suave way with words. It had always made her a little it jealous, but it's satisfying in all the right ways when it's focused on her. Now that they taken the flirtations to the bedroom, she felt free to be as merciless as possible. ]

I'll show you anythin' you want.

[ When he doesn't stop her, she takes her time dragging it out of his pocket. She's quite close to his face when she finally gets ahold of it and she quirks her brows at him temptingly as she pulls it out. Then it's her turn to place a kiss on his lips, lingering for a moment before pulling back and shrugging at his question. ]

Guess it's a force of habit. Too much time openin' presents alone, so I was waitin' to share it with you. [ Because why not add a small teasing layer of guilt to that. But she passes it off quickly, whatever she's feeling and flips open his wallet. ] Soooo what have we got here?

[ Jesse has no complaints. None. Zero.

… Alright, so maybe he would have liked to kiss her longer. But then they’d definitely get distracted for far too long. He is about to say as much when she mentions waiting to open her gifts, and it’s like being doused with cold water, the warm playfulness lost to a sudden rush of guilt. It takes him a moment to reorient himself around it, his reply delayed a second or two past the point of casual.

Tucked into the billfold are all three photos, but the one on top has his smile slowly returning. Should he push it if she doesn’t feel like talking about it? Or does she want him to ask? This is one thing that has changed since they were kids: he doesn’t know anymore how much she should push. ]

You’ll recognize that first one. Thanksgiving wasn’t that far back.

[ It’s the three of them curled up on the couch, Chloe curled up on one side of him and Ashe on the other. His arms are around them both, and the whole group of them have been caught mid-laugh by whoever the hell put these shots together. ]

[ She hadn't meant to ruin the warm mood with negative quips and blame. He hadn't done anything wrong, she was just raw around the edges and she was well practiced in taking offense. There hadn't been enough time to fix years of defense mechanisms. What she did do when she felt the atmosphere between them change, was to offer a small smile as she took a good look at the first one. ]

Well now. Other than it bein' a little concernin' that someone snapped a photo of this moment, that's a damn fine picture. [ Her tone was warm again and she took in the details. They all looked so happy, but her eyes fell onto her own image. Was that how she looked in the middle of this? She looked content and relaxed and safe. Anyone who knew her back home would have thought she was a different person. ]

We look like a family. Like what one's supposed to look like.

Pretty sure these photos don’t come out of any camera. Beats me how else they’d get ‘em though.

[ He watches her look at the picture, indecisive still. She looks happy now at least, but that doesn’t clear the worried wrinkle from his brow. ]

That’s what I thought. I was feelin’ out of sorts that night, but then you both came and sat down, and it just… felt right. Haven't been many moments like that since I got here.

[ She'd been feeling out of sorts too with the holiday and the carefully crafted world they were living in for Chloe's sake. She really hadn't known what to expect. Then they'd just been a family. They'd watched a movie and eaten dinner together. There had been laughter and stories, mostly true with a few made up ones or adjustments for Chloe.

Her head finds its way to his shoulder and she breathes him in, letting out a slow happy sigh. ]

I know we have a couple of wild holidays with Deadlock, but I never thought this place with all its horrors would give me the happiest one.

[ She smiles. ] I didn't even feel like shootin' the natives after dinner.

[ Jesse laughs and leans his head back against hers, feeling a hard knot of anxiousness start to loosen in his chest. It will take time to get back to that easy way they once had with each other, if they ever get there again at all. A place where they understand each other so instinctively that words hardly need to even be said. Maybe then he'll know what to do to keep from hurting her again.

... Then again, they had apparently been crushing on each other for God knows how long back then, so it clearly had not been a perfect system. ]

Deerington has a way of doin’ that. You want to hate it, but then it goes and somehow makes somethin’ like this happen. And then gives you a weird picture of it after.

[ He nudges her gently, clearly not too invested in making her move. ]

Hey, your turn. Go pick out one of those boxes.

[ After eight months spent in Deerington, Ashe had very mixed feelings about it. She'd curse the place and it's people up and down and very loudly so everyone knew what it was she felt for the place. At the same time, there were things that were growing on her. She enjoyed the work she was doing, which was surprisingly...productive and even a little helpful. And there was Chloe and Jesse and this home that felt like her home should have felt growing up. Deerington seemed to give as much as it took, making it quite the conundrum. ]

I don't...hate it. [ .She begrudgingly moves from her position to grab her presents and pull them over. ] It's not like anythin' else I've ever done is easy or peaceful. [ Sitting back down, she picks one at random. If Jesse said they were safe to open than she'd trust that. She grabs the smallest box, because despite her Texas upbringing would have her believe, smaller sometimes is better.

She's hit by a warmth that's so soothing she leans into Jesse again and closes her eyes to feel it. The memory is one of her earliest days in Deadlock. They had just done their first big score, taking the prize out from under the noses of other more well established gangs to prove that they belonged right where they were. They'd partied late into the night, drinking, playing cards, laughing, and it had ended in a major pillow fight. She had felt safe and cared for. She'd felt important. They'd been so happy together and Ashe remembered the others crashing as the hours wore on, a pile of kids curled up together on the floor, like a bunch of puppies tired from too much mischief. She remembered curling into Jesse's side.

"I finally figured it out..." She could remember him humming to press her on, nearly asleep himself. "What family is...I figured it out." She'd felt a gentle kiss to the top of her head and it wasn't long before she'd fallen into a blissful slumber.

When Ashe opens her eyes she has a smile on her face and In her hands is a photo of their gang, curled up on their mountain of blankets and pillows they'd put together while drunk. It was like someone had taken a photograph of them while they had all been fast asleep. ]

I remember that fort. [ She hands him the photograph, wondering how he'd feel about it and if he'd remember it as fondly as she did. ]

[ Jesse takes the photo like it’s something fragile, his smile caught between surprise and wonder. It’s not that he’d forgotten. It’s just been a long time since he’s had any reason to think back on it, and the rediscovery of the memory is as much a gift to him as it is to her. ]

So do I. We were so damn young, [ He says with a laugh, eyes roving over the photo and taking in all the little details he never would have been able to recall. There are faces in this picture he’s not seen in over a decade. Most notable is the sense of accomplishment and comfort that radiates from the scene. ]

I sleep on the floor like that now, I wake up regrettin’ it.

[ She watches his face closely as he takes the photograph and looks over, she can see his mind going right back to that moment and reliving it with her. Despite the moments of awkwardness, there is so much about being together with him that brings out the innocent joy in her that had been so present back then. Though she would have hated the word being used in relation to herself back then, she could see now just how young they were.

The look on her face as she watches him remember is one that's full of adoration and love. Her heart feels full and she savors the lingering feeling of warmth that had flooded her system. It had been ages since they'd done something like that. Deadlock hadn't had the same level of fun since she'd hardened up and turned their gang into a corporation. The fun had definitely changed. ] We really were. I think I understand now why all those established gangs had such a hard time takin' us seriously. What a bunch of goofballs we were.

[ She laughed at nudged him, still so full of unspoken love. ] I was jokin' when I said that you were turnin' 50 but you start sayin' things like that and I'll start thinkin' you are.

That was a good lesson though. The more they underestimate you, the better off you are.

[ It’s something he uses to his advantage even now. The friendly, laid-back cowboy is hardly the one most people would expect to con them, steal from them, or worse. He remembers the satisfaction he’d felt as a teenager watching a group of adults turn tail and run from the Deadlock Gang, all because they’d thought a group of kids would be pushovers.

He returns her nudge with one of his own, and a petulant hey now. ] I’m not that old yet, but I’m not young either. I know my limits even if I don’t like ‘em.

[ He hands the picture back to her, eyes lingering on his and her faces in the shot. What they’d been doing was reckless and dangerous beyond belief… and they’d enjoyed every second of risk. It had been fun then, even knowing the stakes here high. ]

… The gang still fun for you, like it used to be?

[ Back then she'd been underestimated, but these days she was notorious. Nowadays if someone had done her wrong, they knew as soon as she was there that she'd come to dole out the consequences. So things were different. Things were different with Deadlock now too. Was she having fun? It was hard to say. She still drank and got rowdy with the gang. There was still drinking and gambling and if she was relaxed, dancing. But, with her notoriety and balancing the empire she had under her, there wasn't as much time for partying. It may have been part of her exhaustion. But they were getting older, it was true. She teased, but really, she wouldn't have wanted to camp on the floor all night either. ]

Well, it's a good thing I've got a comfortable bed then, no more sleeping on floors required.

[ She takes the picture from him and stares at it for another moment. ] I dunno. It's like you said, we ain't young anymore. I got some new kids who like to tear things up, but it's a different kind of fun we have. [ She left out the fact that often she worked while everyone else. It had taken her awhile after he'd left to even start getting back into the laughter having chosen instead to walk around like a pissed off storm cloud. That anger had driven her, but she'd had to sacrifice some of her youthful playfulness for it. ] It can't be what it used to be, but it's got its share of excitement and it's family.

[ Suddenly feeling a little emotional she sets the photograph aside and reaches into his wallet for the next photo. ] And what about you? Let's see what Deerington wants you to remember!

[ It’s not all bad then is what he’s hearing. But that doesn’t make it all that good either. He could ask more questions, keep pushing, but… maybe that’s not a conversation for tonight. Not here with the tree, and the lights, and the photos of happy times. Though the next picture in his wallet might not be one she’ll enjoy seeing. He can see the corner of it sticking out, and he knows for a fact which one it is that Ashe will pull out next. ]

Hey—

[ He lays a hand on hers, stalling her progress. ]

The next one, it’s... from Blackwatch. Back before Overwatch imploded.

[ He struggles with what to say next, not wanting to seem like he’s hiding it. He’s not. He wouldn’t mind sharing the memory with her, but he doesn’t want her upset either. Again, he’s stuck wanting to do the right thing and not knowing what that might be. ]

[ She had been hoping to offset the potential negative discussion or spilling more about how much she'd changed after her left, not ready to go into it. However it seems that it might be inevitable as he places his hand over hers.

Deerington had given him a happy memory about Blackwatch. It would have been a lie to say that now that they were together she harbored no bad feelings, even expecting that would have been unrealistic. She has a lot of anger towards Blackwatch. As angry as she has been at Jesse for staying away, it's Blackwatch and it's leader she blames for turning him away from her in the first place. The Jesse she'd curled up with in her photo wouldn't have left, at least...she didn't think so.

Blackwatch represented years that had been taken from her. While he'd be chosen and molded to be better, she'd been left behind to grow in a different way. It hurt, maybe it always would. But they can't hide from this and it'll eat her alive if she doesn't see it.

Finally she looks at him, nervous, but determined. Her hands start to shake under his as she swallows and nods. ] Can't hide from reality forever, right? [ And then she's pulling it out and looking at it. ]

[ Despite what she says, he still isn’t sure this is a good idea. He tries to grab the photo before it slips out of his wallet, but she already has a good grip on it, and the glossy finish slides right out from beneath his fingers. ]

Ashe—

[ But it’s too late. She’s already looking at it. It’s a photo from one of his birthdays, one about halfway between when he’d been taken and when he’d struck out on his own. The Jesse in the picture is a young man still, an opened giftbox in front of him overflowing with tissue paper. In one hand is the belt buckle he still wears today. His eyes are closed as he laughs, his head ducked down as Gabriel Reyes roughly ruffles his hair. He’s grinning as well. Not a hint of animosity between them. Next to Jesse at the table, expression almost unreadable save for the faintest hint of amusement in his crimson red eyes (or is that annoyance?), is a cyborg.

It had taken Jesse years to accept any celebration thrown by Blackwatch, though he’d always gotten something. All his personal information had been on file before he was even conscripted.

Jesse sits back and swallows hard, waiting for her to react. ]

[ It feels like the air has been taken from her lungs. It was one of those moments where she'd been sure she was ready. She'd been trying to rip it off a bandaid but the way her heart clenches, and the familiar anger and pain flood her system, she knows she's still bleeding.

He looks so happy. They'd spent birthdays together, and they'd been happy too, but he was happy there. Ashe hadn't loved her birthdays before him, and she hadn't loved them much after he was gone. The picture suggests to her that he'd had an easier time letting himself be happy again. It's a stark contrast, but that's what they are, right? She'd chosen to buckle under her grief and abandonment issues and he'd sprouted into the light, guided by a man who had made a decision that he was better off without her and Deadlock.

It made her stomach churn and she closes her eyes. Why Jesse? Why one of the only people she had, and the only one she'd dare to love. Why hadn't he brought her along? The thought flits through her mind about what she might have been like if she'd been taken with him.

When she finally speaks, her voice is empty and she can't look at him. ] Guess that explains that dumbass belt of yours.

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