almightythirst | Deerington Inbox

[ Ashe was flirtatious in general, even when she had no intention of pursuing anything. She'd always noticed that Jesse had that same kind of suave way with words. It had always made her a little it jealous, but it's satisfying in all the right ways when it's focused on her. Now that they taken the flirtations to the bedroom, she felt free to be as merciless as possible. ]

I'll show you anythin' you want.

[ When he doesn't stop her, she takes her time dragging it out of his pocket. She's quite close to his face when she finally gets ahold of it and she quirks her brows at him temptingly as she pulls it out. Then it's her turn to place a kiss on his lips, lingering for a moment before pulling back and shrugging at his question. ]

Guess it's a force of habit. Too much time openin' presents alone, so I was waitin' to share it with you. [ Because why not add a small teasing layer of guilt to that. But she passes it off quickly, whatever she's feeling and flips open his wallet. ] Soooo what have we got here?

[ Jesse has no complaints. None. Zero.

… Alright, so maybe he would have liked to kiss her longer. But then they’d definitely get distracted for far too long. He is about to say as much when she mentions waiting to open her gifts, and it’s like being doused with cold water, the warm playfulness lost to a sudden rush of guilt. It takes him a moment to reorient himself around it, his reply delayed a second or two past the point of casual.

Tucked into the billfold are all three photos, but the one on top has his smile slowly returning. Should he push it if she doesn’t feel like talking about it? Or does she want him to ask? This is one thing that has changed since they were kids: he doesn’t know anymore how much she should push. ]

You’ll recognize that first one. Thanksgiving wasn’t that far back.

[ It’s the three of them curled up on the couch, Chloe curled up on one side of him and Ashe on the other. His arms are around them both, and the whole group of them have been caught mid-laugh by whoever the hell put these shots together. ]

[ She hadn't meant to ruin the warm mood with negative quips and blame. He hadn't done anything wrong, she was just raw around the edges and she was well practiced in taking offense. There hadn't been enough time to fix years of defense mechanisms. What she did do when she felt the atmosphere between them change, was to offer a small smile as she took a good look at the first one. ]

Well now. Other than it bein' a little concernin' that someone snapped a photo of this moment, that's a damn fine picture. [ Her tone was warm again and she took in the details. They all looked so happy, but her eyes fell onto her own image. Was that how she looked in the middle of this? She looked content and relaxed and safe. Anyone who knew her back home would have thought she was a different person. ]

We look like a family. Like what one's supposed to look like.

Pretty sure these photos don’t come out of any camera. Beats me how else they’d get ‘em though.

[ He watches her look at the picture, indecisive still. She looks happy now at least, but that doesn’t clear the worried wrinkle from his brow. ]

That’s what I thought. I was feelin’ out of sorts that night, but then you both came and sat down, and it just… felt right. Haven't been many moments like that since I got here.

[ She'd been feeling out of sorts too with the holiday and the carefully crafted world they were living in for Chloe's sake. She really hadn't known what to expect. Then they'd just been a family. They'd watched a movie and eaten dinner together. There had been laughter and stories, mostly true with a few made up ones or adjustments for Chloe.

Her head finds its way to his shoulder and she breathes him in, letting out a slow happy sigh. ]

I know we have a couple of wild holidays with Deadlock, but I never thought this place with all its horrors would give me the happiest one.

[ She smiles. ] I didn't even feel like shootin' the natives after dinner.

[ Jesse laughs and leans his head back against hers, feeling a hard knot of anxiousness start to loosen in his chest. It will take time to get back to that easy way they once had with each other, if they ever get there again at all. A place where they understand each other so instinctively that words hardly need to even be said. Maybe then he'll know what to do to keep from hurting her again.

... Then again, they had apparently been crushing on each other for God knows how long back then, so it clearly had not been a perfect system. ]

Deerington has a way of doin’ that. You want to hate it, but then it goes and somehow makes somethin’ like this happen. And then gives you a weird picture of it after.

[ He nudges her gently, clearly not too invested in making her move. ]

Hey, your turn. Go pick out one of those boxes.

[ After eight months spent in Deerington, Ashe had very mixed feelings about it. She'd curse the place and it's people up and down and very loudly so everyone knew what it was she felt for the place. At the same time, there were things that were growing on her. She enjoyed the work she was doing, which was surprisingly...productive and even a little helpful. And there was Chloe and Jesse and this home that felt like her home should have felt growing up. Deerington seemed to give as much as it took, making it quite the conundrum. ]

I don't...hate it. [ .She begrudgingly moves from her position to grab her presents and pull them over. ] It's not like anythin' else I've ever done is easy or peaceful. [ Sitting back down, she picks one at random. If Jesse said they were safe to open than she'd trust that. She grabs the smallest box, because despite her Texas upbringing would have her believe, smaller sometimes is better.

She's hit by a warmth that's so soothing she leans into Jesse again and closes her eyes to feel it. The memory is one of her earliest days in Deadlock. They had just done their first big score, taking the prize out from under the noses of other more well established gangs to prove that they belonged right where they were. They'd partied late into the night, drinking, playing cards, laughing, and it had ended in a major pillow fight. She had felt safe and cared for. She'd felt important. They'd been so happy together and Ashe remembered the others crashing as the hours wore on, a pile of kids curled up together on the floor, like a bunch of puppies tired from too much mischief. She remembered curling into Jesse's side.

"I finally figured it out..." She could remember him humming to press her on, nearly asleep himself. "What family is...I figured it out." She'd felt a gentle kiss to the top of her head and it wasn't long before she'd fallen into a blissful slumber.

When Ashe opens her eyes she has a smile on her face and In her hands is a photo of their gang, curled up on their mountain of blankets and pillows they'd put together while drunk. It was like someone had taken a photograph of them while they had all been fast asleep. ]

I remember that fort. [ She hands him the photograph, wondering how he'd feel about it and if he'd remember it as fondly as she did. ]

[ Jesse takes the photo like it’s something fragile, his smile caught between surprise and wonder. It’s not that he’d forgotten. It’s just been a long time since he’s had any reason to think back on it, and the rediscovery of the memory is as much a gift to him as it is to her. ]

So do I. We were so damn young, [ He says with a laugh, eyes roving over the photo and taking in all the little details he never would have been able to recall. There are faces in this picture he’s not seen in over a decade. Most notable is the sense of accomplishment and comfort that radiates from the scene. ]

I sleep on the floor like that now, I wake up regrettin’ it.

[ She watches his face closely as he takes the photograph and looks over, she can see his mind going right back to that moment and reliving it with her. Despite the moments of awkwardness, there is so much about being together with him that brings out the innocent joy in her that had been so present back then. Though she would have hated the word being used in relation to herself back then, she could see now just how young they were.

The look on her face as she watches him remember is one that's full of adoration and love. Her heart feels full and she savors the lingering feeling of warmth that had flooded her system. It had been ages since they'd done something like that. Deadlock hadn't had the same level of fun since she'd hardened up and turned their gang into a corporation. The fun had definitely changed. ] We really were. I think I understand now why all those established gangs had such a hard time takin' us seriously. What a bunch of goofballs we were.

[ She laughed at nudged him, still so full of unspoken love. ] I was jokin' when I said that you were turnin' 50 but you start sayin' things like that and I'll start thinkin' you are.

That was a good lesson though. The more they underestimate you, the better off you are.

[ It’s something he uses to his advantage even now. The friendly, laid-back cowboy is hardly the one most people would expect to con them, steal from them, or worse. He remembers the satisfaction he’d felt as a teenager watching a group of adults turn tail and run from the Deadlock Gang, all because they’d thought a group of kids would be pushovers.

He returns her nudge with one of his own, and a petulant hey now. ] I’m not that old yet, but I’m not young either. I know my limits even if I don’t like ‘em.

[ He hands the picture back to her, eyes lingering on his and her faces in the shot. What they’d been doing was reckless and dangerous beyond belief… and they’d enjoyed every second of risk. It had been fun then, even knowing the stakes here high. ]

… The gang still fun for you, like it used to be?

[ Back then she'd been underestimated, but these days she was notorious. Nowadays if someone had done her wrong, they knew as soon as she was there that she'd come to dole out the consequences. So things were different. Things were different with Deadlock now too. Was she having fun? It was hard to say. She still drank and got rowdy with the gang. There was still drinking and gambling and if she was relaxed, dancing. But, with her notoriety and balancing the empire she had under her, there wasn't as much time for partying. It may have been part of her exhaustion. But they were getting older, it was true. She teased, but really, she wouldn't have wanted to camp on the floor all night either. ]

Well, it's a good thing I've got a comfortable bed then, no more sleeping on floors required.

[ She takes the picture from him and stares at it for another moment. ] I dunno. It's like you said, we ain't young anymore. I got some new kids who like to tear things up, but it's a different kind of fun we have. [ She left out the fact that often she worked while everyone else. It had taken her awhile after he'd left to even start getting back into the laughter having chosen instead to walk around like a pissed off storm cloud. That anger had driven her, but she'd had to sacrifice some of her youthful playfulness for it. ] It can't be what it used to be, but it's got its share of excitement and it's family.

[ Suddenly feeling a little emotional she sets the photograph aside and reaches into his wallet for the next photo. ] And what about you? Let's see what Deerington wants you to remember!

[ It’s not all bad then is what he’s hearing. But that doesn’t make it all that good either. He could ask more questions, keep pushing, but… maybe that’s not a conversation for tonight. Not here with the tree, and the lights, and the photos of happy times. Though the next picture in his wallet might not be one she’ll enjoy seeing. He can see the corner of it sticking out, and he knows for a fact which one it is that Ashe will pull out next. ]

Hey—

[ He lays a hand on hers, stalling her progress. ]

The next one, it’s... from Blackwatch. Back before Overwatch imploded.

[ He struggles with what to say next, not wanting to seem like he’s hiding it. He’s not. He wouldn’t mind sharing the memory with her, but he doesn’t want her upset either. Again, he’s stuck wanting to do the right thing and not knowing what that might be. ]

[ She had been hoping to offset the potential negative discussion or spilling more about how much she'd changed after her left, not ready to go into it. However it seems that it might be inevitable as he places his hand over hers.

Deerington had given him a happy memory about Blackwatch. It would have been a lie to say that now that they were together she harbored no bad feelings, even expecting that would have been unrealistic. She has a lot of anger towards Blackwatch. As angry as she has been at Jesse for staying away, it's Blackwatch and it's leader she blames for turning him away from her in the first place. The Jesse she'd curled up with in her photo wouldn't have left, at least...she didn't think so.

Blackwatch represented years that had been taken from her. While he'd be chosen and molded to be better, she'd been left behind to grow in a different way. It hurt, maybe it always would. But they can't hide from this and it'll eat her alive if she doesn't see it.

Finally she looks at him, nervous, but determined. Her hands start to shake under his as she swallows and nods. ] Can't hide from reality forever, right? [ And then she's pulling it out and looking at it. ]

[ Despite what she says, he still isn’t sure this is a good idea. He tries to grab the photo before it slips out of his wallet, but she already has a good grip on it, and the glossy finish slides right out from beneath his fingers. ]

Ashe—

[ But it’s too late. She’s already looking at it. It’s a photo from one of his birthdays, one about halfway between when he’d been taken and when he’d struck out on his own. The Jesse in the picture is a young man still, an opened giftbox in front of him overflowing with tissue paper. In one hand is the belt buckle he still wears today. His eyes are closed as he laughs, his head ducked down as Gabriel Reyes roughly ruffles his hair. He’s grinning as well. Not a hint of animosity between them. Next to Jesse at the table, expression almost unreadable save for the faintest hint of amusement in his crimson red eyes (or is that annoyance?), is a cyborg.

It had taken Jesse years to accept any celebration thrown by Blackwatch, though he’d always gotten something. All his personal information had been on file before he was even conscripted.

Jesse sits back and swallows hard, waiting for her to react. ]

[ It feels like the air has been taken from her lungs. It was one of those moments where she'd been sure she was ready. She'd been trying to rip it off a bandaid but the way her heart clenches, and the familiar anger and pain flood her system, she knows she's still bleeding.

He looks so happy. They'd spent birthdays together, and they'd been happy too, but he was happy there. Ashe hadn't loved her birthdays before him, and she hadn't loved them much after he was gone. The picture suggests to her that he'd had an easier time letting himself be happy again. It's a stark contrast, but that's what they are, right? She'd chosen to buckle under her grief and abandonment issues and he'd sprouted into the light, guided by a man who had made a decision that he was better off without her and Deadlock.

It made her stomach churn and she closes her eyes. Why Jesse? Why one of the only people she had, and the only one she'd dare to love. Why hadn't he brought her along? The thought flits through her mind about what she might have been like if she'd been taken with him.

When she finally speaks, her voice is empty and she can't look at him. ] Guess that explains that dumbass belt of yours.

[ It hurts him to see her like this. Now that he finally realizes how much of an impact his recruitment had on her in the years since it happened, he knows this can’t be easy. She’d struggled so much… and so had he. The loss had never stopped hurting. But he isn’t ashamed of the time he’d spent with Blackwatch either. They’d been his family too. They’d given him back the conscience he’d been so quickly losing to the criminal element of Deadlock, and work that made the world a better place. He can’t apologize for any of that. He won’t. ]

Yeah, it was this runnin’ gag. Don’t know if they thought I would actually wear it.

[ The memory is a happy one for him, but clearly not something Ashe wants to see right now. He reaches over to take it from her, assuming she won’t put up a fight. ]

[ She doesn't put up a fight exactly, but she does pull it away so that he can't take it back. If it's out there, it's out there and she doesn't know if this'll put them on the path to a fight or not. It would be very easy for her to shell up and shove aside everything about Blackwatch. She wants it to be different. There had been years that she'd spent wanting her childhood friend with his wild streak and the Jesse of Deadlock who could be downright cutthroat. The man sitting next to her and wanting to take it away to protect her is one she's had to get to know, kind of like a stranger.

She finally looks up at him a weird mix of anger and sadness on her face. What she hadn't been expecting was that this man was just the grown up version of the boy she'd loved. The more she let go of her anger, the more she realized she actually liked the grown up version of him. ] Then they didn't know you that well, because you'd never miss an opportunity to be a little shit. [ Finally, with the image imprinted in her brain she hands it back. ]

I hate seein' that man so happy, like you somehow belonged to him. He took you and whatever came out of it, it wasn't right what he did. It didn't matter who you were or who loved you, he just swooped and took you for his own gain. Whether you all learned to be a new family or not, it wasn't right. He didn't deserve you. [ She rubs at her face and digs into her pocket with shaky hands for a cigarette, but she flicks the lighter a couple of times and can't get it to work and she lets out a frustrated huff and runs her fingers through her hair instead. She was fighting with herself to not lose it. ]

[ Jesse takes the photo with newly numb fingers, not sure exactly how he feels about everything she’d just said. The anger isn’t directed at him, which is a welcome change. And it’s all based in the truth. Blackwatch—and Reyes, as an individual—had always operated in the grayest areas of morality. On occasion, harm had to be done for the greater good. Like taking a boy from a life of organized crime and molding him into a weapon against the very crimes he’d committed himself, while also cutting him off from every good thing he’d had. And the people who’d had him, too.

It was messy. Jesse can’t begrudge her a single feeling she’s having, but neither can he find it in him to agree. He knows the knee-jerk urge he has to defend Reyes somehow would only make this all go so much worse, so he takes a second to overcome it. Eyes closed. A deep breath in, then out again. ]

… You’re not wrong.

[ Still, he’d been happy. They’d been family. And when he looks at the picture in his hands, what he feels more than anything is a pleasant nostalgia. His expression schooled blank, he carefully tucks the picture back into his wallet before taking the lighter from her hand. He flicks it on and holds it out for her as he wrestles with what to say next. ]

Reyes was a complicated man, and Blackwatch did a lot of things that weren’t what most would call ethical. I did a lot of those things myself.

[ But they’d done it with a mutual understanding and agreement on how far they would go. That is, right up until Venice. ]

[ Ashe had been expecting a fight, some barking comment that protected Blackwatch from her anger, and she wasn't entirely sure how to respond when she wasn't given one. Fighting was at least something that she was used to, and it would be so easy to let it spiral.

There was plenty of anger, at least on her end, and it was visible in the way she curled in on herself and took long drags from the cigarette as she tried to figure out where to go with that anger. To her, Blackwatch wasn't family, in fact it had torn hers up and somehow managed to turn Jesse against their family. One thing she couldn't fault him was finding family again, she knew damn well you had to dig through the dirt of life to make a family and sometimes it happened in the most unlikely of ways. Sometimes it brought desperate teens together to form their own in a crime ring. Sometimes it made you reach out to the people who had taken you because they were the life you had. Sometimes it made your brain rework itself to connect you to the people you trusted most. The bottom line was that a makeshift family was often found in the ugliest of situations because people needed family.

She scoffed at the mention of ethics. ]

He took you, 'cause you would. [ As far as the world had shown her, there wasn't really any good. People liked to divide the population into people who did good and people who did bad, and there was some murky guidelines to what was required to do each, but those who followed the ethical guidelines did so because they felt better about themselves. ] Ethics is just some bullshit idea thought up by philosophers and religious men who use it as a control method to make people do what they want them to under the promise of some eternal reward. Bottom line is, you did illegal stuff with Deadlock, you did illegal stuff with Blackwatch, and you still do illegal stuff. It ain't complicated. You moved from listenin' to a bad woman to followin' a bad man.

[ The feelings were rolling around inside of her and she felt so antsy that she had to get up and put a little bit of distance between them. She paced over to the large windows and stared out into the snowy night. ] You finally broke free from both of us and started makin' your own choices. That man and I...we're both self motivated and we want what we want and we both wanted you. [ She turns around to look at him finally and she has tears running down her cheeks. ] But I asked you to start Deadlock with me because I... loved you and I wanted you. [ She grits her teeth on the words because it's so hard to get out and it's probably the first time she's ever said it in any regard towards him. ] He forced you into Blackwatch with an ultimatum because he wanted your talents. Somehow he managed to make you feel guilty for everythin' you did with Deadlock, while simultaneously usin' you for his own illegal activity. How am I supposed to see anythin' when I look at him other than a con artist who took advantage of every single one of your vulnerabilities?

[ She turned back to the window so he wouldn't see that she was gripped with fear. The words she was saying weren't exactly kind and for all she knew, he'd buckle down and head right out the door and away from her because he didn't like what she was saying. She didn't want to ruin his good memories, but she was too bullheaded and vocal to keep her frustrations to herself. Every little bit of happiness she won, she seemed to find a way to ruin. All those years ago when he'd returned to see her after Blackwatch disbanded, she hadn't been successful in telling him how much she'd missed him and how much she'd needed him, so she'd created a rift between them that it had taken until now to begin to overcome. If she lost him again... ]

I get it...Blackwatch is more important to you. Even Sodder thinks so...

[ It seems like they’re both more used to the explosive fights than this quiet, simmering hurt. The fight feels like it’s the wrong shape. Not unexpected, not a surprise in its coming to pass, but appearing in a form they don’t know how to wrangle.

He stays on the couch as she gets up and goes to the window, wondering how she can be both so right and so wrong at the same time. She’s right that he’d always followed someone without even knowing he was doing it. A fiercely independent boy—and then man—who yearned to be part of something bigger than himself and ached for companionship. A contradiction.

But she’s dead wrong that Blackwatch had meant more to him than Deadlock. They’d both been a balm and a poison in their ways. Another contradiction in a lifetime made up of nothing else. ]

You’re not givin’ me a whole lot of credit here. You think I did everythin’ I did with Deadlock and Blackwatch because somebody else wanted me to? If you and Reyes were bad people, well shit. So was I. But it’s not that simple.

[ He takes off his hat and tosses it down on the closest flat surface, his hands running back through his hair. ]

I’m not going to try and convince you to like him. But he meant somethin’ to me, and that’s not gonna change. As for everythin’ he did… I can’t speak for a dead man. You’re fightin’ with a ghost, Liz.

[ He stands then, walking up behind her. A hand comes to rest, tentatively, on her shoulder. ]

Deadlock is in my blood. So’s Blackwatch. They both made me who I am, and me gettin’ a photo of one doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about the other.

[ And again Jesse doesn't feed into the anger. Though she's still on edge, there isn't anything he says that inches her towards the edge of rage. Were they learning to talk to each other again? Had they come that far? She's not quite ready to trust that. At first she flinches under his touch, a knee jerk response to run because she might get hurt, but she doesn't. It's a testament to the growth between them. Instead, she lets out a deep breath to relax before allowing his words to full sink in.

He was who he was because of both of them.

The man who was standing there with her was a product of every situation that life had thrown at him, and likewise so was she. Wanting him to be the same as when he'd been taken wasn't fair. He was right, she was holding onto ghosts. Blaming a ghost for sure, but also clinging to the ghosts of who they had been. Trapped in a past that made her both nostalgic and angry. ]

I'm so angry. I don't know how to not be angry.

[ Just recently she had read Max to the riot act on living in the past and holding to it so tightly with refusal to accept reality that she was at risk of ruining the future. If she couldn't somehow accept that this was a huge part of who Jesse was then she was liable to poison everything they could have. Whatever Blackwatch had been to him or done to him or how he felt about that time, he was standing there with her. Blackwatch and Reyes had not been successful at destroying what they had together. That had to mean something about the strength of the foundation they had built as children. ]

Maybe you're right, maybe I am fightin' ghosts, but those ghosts keep hauntin' me. [ She slowly turned around so that she was looking at him. ]

But I'm afraid that you'd leave me again. For Blackwatch, for Overwatch, for someone else. [ That girl he'd been falling for here, maybe. ] No matter how hard I try, I can't make myself feel nothing for you. Never have been able to. I tried to cut you out of my damn heart and it won't listen. And now I... care again, and I'm waitin' for something to take you away.

[ She grit her teeth again to try and hold back the emotion. ] What if I'm not enough? I've never been enough before. Not for my parents, not enough for that man who took you and left me behind, and not enough for you to stay that day you came back. Seein' you like that, so happy with them...it reminds me that you don't need me.

[ Anger. Ghosts. Fear and loss and fear of loss. She’s got a different story than him, but with all the same themes. His touch falls away as she turns, allowing them to see each other face-to-face, and he meets her gaze straight on. There’s no attempt to stay blank this time. His face is an open book, full of sadness as he listens. He even shakes his head just a little at one point, as if in disbelief. ]

… You think I’d just up and leave you now?

[ He looks away for just a second, lips pressing together in a thin line before he turns fully back to her. ]

Suppose I always have been better at leavin’ than stickin’ around. It’s…

[ It’s part of the reason Reyes is dead. He almost says it, the bitter truth of it on the tip of his tongue before he pulls it back in close. ]

… I always do more damage leavin’ than I ever do stayin’ around. But I’m not about to leave you. You’ve always been enough, just the way you are, and to hell with every person who ever made you feel any different. Me included.

[ His voice had risen in volume, charged with emotion, but it goes quieter as he continues. ]

I never stopped missin’ you, y’know. Not a day went by there when I didn’t.

[ Her eyes follow him closely and she doesn't bother to wipe her eyes as another tear falls down her cheek. Over the years they've kept so much from each other and laying it all on the table is something new. It's painful, but it's comforting too, because he meets all her doubt with reassurances and words that she's been desperate to hear for so long.

On top of his own reassurances to her, she knows she has to find a way to meet him in kind. She has to be there for him too and work through the past and listen to what brought him to the man he is now. It won't be easy because she's stuck in a combative rut that isn't easily fixed, but she could try.

The sad look in his eyes and the hope in his words has her reaching out to take his hand. ] Jesse... Thanks.[ She swallowed and stepped in closer. ] I don't want to destroy what we're buildin' by fightin' your past. I know I gotta accept what happened, but I've been fightin' it so long it won't be easy. I still got anger, and I'd still want to throttle that man if I got a chance to, which I guess I won't, so it don't matter. [ She reached out for his other hand and looked up into his eyes. ] But I can forgive you for findin' happiness that didn't involve me, and I can try to listen and maybe if you give me some time, I won't feel so threatened by it and I'll be able to share your happy memories without it makin' me so angry and scared. If you think we got a future, maybe I can start walkin' forward instead of backward.

[ He’s always making her cry. Jesse brushes her tears away, the same as he always does, and wishes he knew how to be a man that didn’t bring tears to her eyes. He thinks—he hopes—he can learn. ]

That means a lot. I know it’s not easy.

[ His voice is tight, like the honesty of that statement is threatening to overcome it. It does mean a lot. It means the world to him that she’s willing to try. He squeezes her hands back, his smile hesitant and somehow fragile. It’s a far different expression than his usual, rock-solid grin. ]

I want us to have a future. Been so long since I thought about one at all… but now I can’t picture one without you in it.

[ His hands squeeze hers again as he hesitates to continue. All this talk about the future scares the hell out of him, even if he won’t say so. ]

I know I’ve not been somebody you could count on. I’m not good at this. But I’m willin’ to try, if you’ll be patient and give me a little time too.

[ Much as he hated making her cry, she was getting tired of doing it at all. Back home she was so much better about keeping every emotion buried, well other than anger. This place seemed to have opened some kind of flood gate on her emotions and she'd been challenged to feel them.

This was also a side to Jesse that was new to her. He could be so stoic and casual, even when he felt things deeply. She'd always felt he could hide the world behind that cowboy grin of his. But this is Jesse McCree at his most real.

She gives a nod and a hint of a smile, her eyes showing the hope she's already feeling when he mentions wanting a future. It makes the time he's been away feel more like an intermission in their lives than the permanent thing she'd always yelled about. ]

Lord knows I ain't the most patient of women, but I'm happy to give you what I got. We'll just work on it... or somethin'. I dunno, like adults, right? I had your back all those years ago, and I got it now. Maybe we don't gotta end every disagreement with gunfire. [ Her tone was easing into playfulness. ] And I think I like the way we make up now better too.

[ Leaning up she moved in to kiss him, wanting to solidify all her own words and his with a physical reassurance. ]

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