almightythirst | Open Post

Hanzo is already aware that Jesse is many things, but wise isn’t among them. So he’s still there, waiting at the table with a cigarillo in hand, when the elder vampire returns. He’d been debating if he should light it or not, or if he should return to the window, or if she should be doing something else.

Seeing Hanzo come back so quickly is almost a relief, even if it brings with it the promise of another argument. The suspense is always the worst part. He looks up and straightens his posture, the cigarillo set aside.

“Hey. You alright?” A stupid question at this point, but it feels like it should be asked.

Trust that, in this volitile and fragile moment, that is what he asks. Hanzo doesn't reply immediately, setting the collapsed bow upon a nearby table, his thumb tracing the polished curve at the tip in a moment of quiet reflection.

Was he? No. Absolutely not. But he felt oddly composed, despite that.

"I thought I had done the worst possible thing," he replies after a pause, brow knitting faintly. "Something I could never be forgiven for. Instead, I have done something far worse."

Jesse frowns, considering that for no more than a few seconds before he stands. That is answer enough for the question he’d asked, and he feels a quick, potent rush of anger when he hears it—but not at Hanzo. Not that it’s immediately clear in the way he spits his next word out, sharp and quick.

“No.”

He shakes his head, chancing one step forward before stopping.

“You don’t get to sit here blamin’ yourself for that.”

"You were not there."

Jesse nears, and that's all it takes for the vampire to tense, shoulders going rigid like he's braced for something. Steeling himself silently as he locks gazes with his fledgling.

He'd known all along. He'd come to find him where he traveled each year to mourn his brother, knowing he was alive. Knowing what had truly become of him. Of course, Genji doubtlessly told him not to reveal his survival, not knowing what Hanzo would do if he'd known but...

Jesse doesn’t move, his expression defiant as he stares back. He’ll put up with a lot in light of what had just happened. He’s ready for Hanzo to lash out at him, but he’s not in the mood to abide by his sire turning that blame and loathing back on himself. He’s already had years to do that, a lifetime.

“I wasn’t. What’s that change?”

"What it changes is that you cannot possibly pass judgement on things you do not understand!" he snaps, and there it is. That first burgeoning twitch of anger finally slipping through the facade of calm and numb.

"What happened that night changed everything. Every night since. I saw what I had done and I fled. And my weakness doomed us both."

If he had stayed, perhaps he would have seen the change in his brother. They might not have suffered alone as they had through the decades. So much would be different and...even Jesse might still draw breath as a mortal man. Doesn't he understand that?

Anger is good. Anger is better than hiding behind a wall and throwing up that icy exterior like a shield. And even if it’s the last thing he does tonight, Jesse is determined not to watch that shield come up again. Not without a fight.

“Your weakness?” He’s getting louder, voice ringing with incredulousness. “How were you supposed to know he’d been possessed? How were you supposed to have stopped anything that happened? I wasn’t even there, and I know that what whatever your clan made you believe about having to be perfect is all bullshit. And they would’ve kept you on a leash with it, but you had the strength to get the hell out.”

"Ignorance is no excuse. Had I stayed and seen to him then..."

Perhaps he'd have known that they never laid a body to rest. Perhaps they might have had another chance. Or perhaps they might have torn each other to pieces then and there, and what if that was best? Rather than the cursed existence they live now, changed and marked by all that's happened to them.

Days ago, he'd thought he'd found some measure of peace and happiness, but just like that? Everything is uncertain again. And that's not even addressing the fact that Jesse knew, he'd known all along and he knows why he didn't say anything, but the spiteful fury still rises like bile in the back of his throat.

“Yeah, well you know what? Nobody’s perfect. And anyway, ever heard about hindsight bein’ 20/20?”

There were so many things that could have gone wrong, even if Hanzo had stayed—but going down the list would probably do little to soothe the perfectionist in him. Jesse wonders if it’s even worth mentioning that the apparent synergistic nature of Genji and his demon actually doesn’t seem entirely bad. It could have been a deal like Jesse’s, which would have left Genji long since dead without intervention. While not ideal, it’s not the worst-case possession scenario.

“It’s a good thing anyway, isn’t it? You’re both alive, in a… in a sense.”

Even if Hanzo hadn’t known it. Jesse had no hand in the years prior of course, but this past one… that guilt has been a thorn in his heel, pricking a little deeper with every step he took away from hating Hanzo. But guilty as he feels, he wouldn’t do any different if he could go back.

“You got a chance to talk to him again. Make some kind of amends. It’s somethin’.”

Amends? That seems so petty, in the scope of things. Genji's forgiveness did not erase the debt, it only meant the other had grown past what had happened. He'd found peace with it. It wasn't the same, and it wasn't enough. It might never be, in his own mind. No one could hold him more accountable for what happened or bear a deeper grudge than Hanzo himself did.

Which meant there was little point in belaboring the fact now. The vampire's expression tightened for a moment, one hand lifting to rub against the bridge of his nose briefly in frustration.

"...you spoke to him. He was the one who told you to find me, that night." It's not a question, but there is one lingering behind the words unspoken.

What had prompted his brother to send the hunter his way? Had he known what Hanzo intended with his fledgling, at the time?

“Yeah. He told me you’d be there, that I should… go talk.”

Despite the heavy subject matter, that gets a quick smile out of him that vanishes with a shake of his head. Talking had been near the bottom of a long list of things he wanted to do to Hanzo back then, most all of them violent.

“Don’t know how he knew about me, other than he must’ve been keepin’ tabs on you somehow.” Jesse had wondered too why Genji had taken the time to follow him instead of Hanzo. Maybe he had wanted to spare him some of the regret that had scarred his brother in that first bout of bloodlust. Maybe it was something else. They hadn’t spoken in enough detail for Jesse to really find out.

“He didn’t want you to know he was alive. Asked me not to tell you, and I knew it wasn’t my place.” He chances another small step closer, seeing how near Hanzo will allow him to come. “I didn’t like havin’ to lie to you.”

This time he doesn't back away or try to stop him, though his shoulder do go stiff, and some of that earlier chill returns to his voice.

"I know why you did. You do not need to explain yourself."

It wasn't as if it would help that particularly stubborn knot of resentment heal any faster. He'd feel angry about it for some time, and that was his right. The same as Jesse had his right to feel...whatever he felt towards Hanzo still for changing him into a monster.

Understanding does not equate to forgiveness, and forgiveness does not equate to redemption. This whole situation has made that fact abundantly clear.

Well, that isn’t the worst reaction. Neither is it an invitation of any sort. He debates whether to continue, hesitating on that awkward line between action and inaction. Ultimately, he nods stiffly once and takes a half a step back.

“Just thought it should be said.”

He can’t ask for forgiveness, knowing the weight of what he’d done. Doesn’t matter if he feels justified for it or not. He’s made plenty of beds like this in the past, borne of deception; and every time, he’s had to learn to lie in them. This is no different, excepting that he feels worse about this than any of the lies that had come before.

“Should I go?”

What remains, then, are the practical details. Where he should spend the day, if Hanzo turns him out. The practicalities of… however this goes from here.

There was a time when he would have latched onto that opportunity to give himself space. Retreating into the silent echo chamber of his own mind, until he'd fortified some sort of rationale for all of this. Most of it would revolve around old truisms that no longer held up quite as well as they used to, notions of how much easier all of this was when he was alone.

No one here to argue against the guilt he so readily aimed at himself over past transgressions. No one to push his boundaries. No one to tell him how ridiculous he was being.

He is angry, yes. But the thought of Jesse retreating into the city somewhere and leaving him alone with all of this is decidedly not what he wants. He scowls at the floor for a moment, arms wrapping tightly across his chest.

"...better you remain here. If Genji found us, it's possible others may have tracked our movements, already. We can't risk another incident, just yet."

It's sound logic. It's also nowhere near the main reason he doesn't want Jesse to go.

It is sound logic, and an entirely different answer than Jesse had expected. He tries and fails to completely keep the surprise entirely off his face. But it’s fine with him—it’s not like he would have gone far anyway. He’s not about to leave Hanzo entirely on his own, emotionally compromised in the middle of Shimada territory. But he’d honor the need for distance, if that’s what he wanted.

Though it seems now that’s not what Hanzo wants, which begs the question of what he does want. More, more pertinently, what he needs. It’s unfortunately not a question Jesse feels any better equipped to answer.

“Alright then.” He takes off his hat and turns back to the table, setting it down next to his unlit cigar. If only a good, stiff drink would still work on them. He’d have already cracked open something extremely alcoholic for them both.

“I’ll stay, but… best you get out whatever you have to get out now. You got somethin’ you want to say, or ask about your brother—go on ahead. Got no reason to keep it to myself anymore.”

Something he wants to say? That's debatable. It's all there, brimming under the surface, things he would normally shove down and lock up tight. Not so easily done, now.

There's a moment's pause as he takes measure of the room and the space between them. Centering himself. His fingers tighten and lax briefly, lips parting briefly then shutting again.

"I was alone. For decades. I fled the ones who made me what I am, and I refused companionship. Human or vampire. They schemed, and made their plans, and fought one another. But I was content to remain outside of it all."

His eyes flit towards the windowsill, where the feather had rested.

"I had already proven what sort of evil I could visit on the world, if I wished it. There was no point in pursuing it further." There's a pause, before his gaze finds his fledgling's once more. "But now it seems I was meant to be a pawn in this game. Regardless of the side."

It’s not lost on Jesse that Hanzo is opening up much more willingly now than he ever had before. Could be the time they’ve spent together, or his closer proximity with humanity as of late, or just the impact of the situation they’re currently facing. Either way, he had half expected Hanzo to retreat back into silence, and he’s grateful not to see it happen again.

He turns and leans his weight back against the table, arms crossed over his chest and a small, confused frown forming on his face.

“’Pawn’ is about the last word I’d use to describe you. What game do you mean?”

"These forces have new names now, new faces. But it is an old game."

It had not been Talon back then. That is a new veneer, but there are strings that lead back into the darkness, generations back, blood-soaked and ancient. The struggles Jesse faces now, those that molded the Reaper he now hunts, they belong to something larger in scope than they know.

Genji might understand. Jesse is too young to have seen the patterns, to hear the news that ripples across the world over and over. Power struggles, betrayal, the facade of peace, then a catalyst to a new war. Again and again.

"There is a hand in this that has existed long before either of us were born." He doesn't so much as blink. "The reason I was made a vampire in the first place."

There’s a bit of hubris that goes into becoming a hunter in the first place, and a lot more in staying one over time. It’s a pretty essential trait when you take a human and face them off against creatures of superior strength, supernatural abilities, and a longevity that dwarfs that of any mortal. That hubris keeps them going—but it can also be blinding. There’s a shortsightedness in thinking that, from your place in the stream of time, you know all of what’s important to know.

That’s quite clear to Jesse to some extent now. Long as he’s been hunting, he hadn’t really given a lot of thought to there being organized groups on the other side they didn’t already know about. Ones that went back so far, humans left alive today would have little to no knowledge of them.

“What? I thought-” He blinks and shakes his head, the polar opposite of Hanzo’s stillness. These human habits of his only come just slightly more delayed than before, not quite taking conscious thought to do, but also not coming quite so naturally as they used to. “You’re sayin’ there was more to it than them just makin’ a blind power grab?”

Which, now that he thinks about it, had been something he’d assumed himself without any real information one way or the other. How many other things had he just assumed about Hanzo the same way? Or about this aspect of the world in general? It’s an unsettling feeling.

It is perhaps not entirely his fault for thinking this way. A choice he's made, certainly, but the hunters prefer such mindsets. Easier to mold to their way of thinking, one that does not allow for any critical thought on why things are done, only that they are. Efficiently. Without mercy.

Not so different from training with the clan, in truth. Duty came before any need to question. Even now, Jesse's duty from life still drives him, and it is linked with Hanzo's now in a way that makes their meeting in the first place almost seemed destined. If one believed in such things.

"Of course." His chin lifts. "And if my brother aligned himself with your cause, after what happened, it was not by accident or chance."

Jesse’s eyes narrow a fraction. Your cause. A line in the sand, even if it’s hardly unfair to point out that it’s there. He has still been clinging to the duty he’s always known in life, even when it doesn’t fit into this new afterlife of his. Or with Hanzo’s. Still, something about the way it’s said rubs him the wrong way.

In reality, it's likely because it's just another reminder of the two paths they'd started out on. How different they are, and how unlikely it is that they would ever stay alongside one another for long.

“What was it then? You’re going to have to make it real clear to me where you’re goin’ with this.”

Because otherwise, a fella might be inclined to assume, and he doesn’t like where his assumptions are taking him.

"It was in defiance of the elders. Siding with who they thought to be their enemy." It would explain how he came into contact with Jesse, how he knew of him and the other hunters, and yet survived. If he had proven just how divorced he was from the clan and its interests, he could have easily secured a place for himself with this group.

Hanzo pauses, seeing that flicker of distaste cross Jesse's face with the association. Curious. He's not sure why the idea irks him so, but he leaves it lie for now.

As much as Jesse thinks he understands about what happened, he needs to know so much more.

"When my father was still head of the clan, something like Talon existed. A precursor of sorts. They extended an offer to my father to join them and support their interests, and in turn be given power beyond imagining. I can only assume being turned would be part of the bargain. He refused them."

He'd been so proud. So beyond the fear of death, so certain his legacy would endure regardless and his sons would keep the clan in check, despite their youth and inexperience. And what came next would therefore surprise no one.

"When he died, the elders sought to revisit that offer. And, as the heir to the clan..."

“They made the choice for you.”

Putting all the rest of it aside—Genji’s connection to hunters, what that could mean—this is where the heart of it is. What Hanzo’s clan had sought to do, and who gave them the ability to make it happen. Jesse rakes a hand back through his hair and turns his head, frowning out the window. His annoyance has shifted to more stable ground now, one where he clearly knows who is on what side. Talon and the Shimada clan. Their goals entangled, twisted together with the purpose of using Hanzo as their own instrument of power.

“So they’re the ones who started it. And they’re still tryin’ to get you to sign up. That takes a lot of nerve.”

Nerve, yes. Or a strong desire to possess the dragons. Hanzo knows what he'd lay his bets against.

"And now, it appears no matter what choice is made, we will in fact be choosing a side in doing so." After a moment's pause he reaches for the card Genji had offered him, pulling it quietly into view before extending it toward Jesse.

"The offer was made to you, as well. Do with it as you will."

One might assume that Reaper, being in league with Talon, would decide things for him rather quickly. But Jesse has surprised him before now. He may not want any part of this, for his own reasons, regardless of where the call comes from.

Choose a side, and be at the whims of another organization with its own goals. Or don’t choose, and be content with the fact that you have no cards on the table in a high-stakes game. Jesse takes the card and frowns down at it, taking in the font, the symbol…

The symbol.

He’s seen it before. It’s true that most hunters work alone, or in small groups, but… there had been one attempt at something bigger, at least in recent enough memory for Jesse to know about it. And it had fallen apart. Spectacularly. Which is exactly why he shouldn’t be looking at its logo printed on a piece of cardstock.

“… Shit.”

The curse is quiet but forceful. It explains why they’d even given him a second thought, why Genji had mentioned him at all.

“They’re gettin’ the gang back together.”

This is said with disbelief, as he hadn’t known there was any gang left to gather. But if Ana and Jack are still around, then who else? And what are they doing extending a hand to someone like Hanzo, who goes against everything an organization of hunters could stand for? Or him, for that matter?

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I had NOT realized I had gone so long without a reply!! I still love this thread so here we go \o/

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