Deerington Inbox

[almightythirst]

Hey there, stranger. Don't think I gotta explain the situation: you called, I didn't pick up. Leave me a message and maybe I'll get back to you.

[ Audio / Video / Text ]

Comments

1/4 Video; un: calamity CW: gross adult humor

[cashe]

[ It's well past midnight, and she can't sleep. There is too much on her mind. She'd just gotten Chloe to drift off to sleep, and they are both in Ashe's master bedroom. She sitting up against a bunch of pillows, and though he can't see it, his serape is covering her lap. Try as she might, she's feeling agitated and stressed at this point. So what will make her feel better? Agitating him will work, and it's easier than saying she wants his attention. ]

Hey McCree! You awake?

2/4

[cashe]

Wake up McCree!

3/4

[cashe]

I got somethin' to tell you! It's a joke! So you'd better wake up and listen!

What is the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?

4/5 I lied

[cashe]

One snatches your watch and the other watches your snatch!

[ She laughs, though glances over to Chloe to make sure she didn't wake her. But she'd given her offered her something to help her sleep, so she was out for the count. ]

That is hilarious! Right?

Oh! I got another one.

What is the difference between your penis and a bonus check?

5/5 There!

[cashe]

Someone, is always willin' to blow your bonus!

McCreeeeeee, you'd better wake up because I have got plenty of these! And I could go all night!

[almightythirst]

[ Jesse hadn't been sleeping, so he's fortunate (?) enough to hear both jokes from start to finish--though he doesn't turn the feed on until after the last. The air is a little smoky from the cigarello he's just pulled from between his lips. From the looks of it, he's somewhere in the kitchen.]

Goddamn Ashe, your jokes have gotten worse since we were kids. That's an accomplishment.

[ He shakes his head, despite being clearly amused. ]

This what you do when you can't sleep these days? Bet B.O.B. loves that.

[cashe]

[ Oh there he is. And he's not even asleep! Looks like at least she'll have some kind of company in the early morning hours.]

Dirtiest joke competitions, right?

[ She waves off the idea of B.O.B. listening. ] Well, usually I just drink, but I feel the need to be less compromised. [ She glances over to Chloe. Look at her trying to be a responsible adult. A responsible adult, texting dirty jokes to her not-friend in the middle of the night. ]

Yeah right. B.O.B. goes into rest mode when I start. Eyeroll and everythin'!

[almightythirst]

[ Jesse has had plenty of insomnia since coming here, and having a friend recovering from a traumatic injury doesn’t help. He’d pretty much resigned himself to being up for the night. He’s even made himself coffee, rather than settle in with a glass of something stronger.

He also likes to think he knows enough about insomnia and trauma to know the real reason Ashe is calling. He doesn’t say it though as he pours himself some black coffee into a chipped mug. ]

Poor B.O.B. He’s just tryin’ to stay a gentleman.

[ Jesse, though, doesn’t have any qualms about not being one of those. His grin says as much. ]

So. This is a competition, huh?

[cashe]

[ He knew her too well, something that kept popping up recently.

But he'd be right, the the trauma of it, and the new stuff with Chloe was making falling asleep nearly impossible. ]

That's not going to help you sleep. [ She says in reference to the coffee, but scoffing. ]

But you give B.O.B. too much credit, and even without bein' human, he's always up for the competition. So we could make a competition out of it, yeah.

[almightythirst]

Yeah, that’d be the point.

[ He holds up the mug to her via the video feed in a sort of salute before drinking. Dark as tar and just as bitter, just the way he likes it. ]

Hell, why not? I remember a few good ones. What’s the difference between a tire, and 365 used condoms?

[ Another sip of coffee, his eyes sparkling with mirth as he finishes and gets to the punchline. ]

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

[cashe]

[ For a brief moment she wants to ask why he wants to stay awake, but she holds off for the moment.

Forever the child, she gives a snort of laughter at that one. ] Okay Okay, that's a good one.

[ She's quiet for a brief moment, tapping her cheek with her finger as she thinks. ] OH! Okay.

How is sex, like a game of bridge?

[ She smiles. ] If you've got a good hand, you don't need a partner.

[almightythirst]

[ If a snort of laughter is bad, then Jesse’s full-bellied laugh must be worse on the scale of childishness. He fakes wiping a tear from his eye as he settles himself down at the kitchen table, coffee in hand. ]

Okay, credit where credit is due. You’re good at this. What’s a condom and a coffin got in common?

[ A pause as he swirls his coffee around in the mug. ]

They both hold stiffs—but one’s comin’, and the other is goin’.

[cashe]

[ How had she known that texting him in the middle of the night was going to be exactly the thing that she needed? She wasn't sure. She also wasn't quite sure how she had been feeling less like strangling him these days. Not that she'd admit that out loud, but the laugh she gave suggested a certain light heartedness that she'd thought was gone. She felt the body next to her shift and she glanced down. Chloe was still asleep next to her, which wasn't a surprise given the painkillers. All the same, she put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. ]

Wasn't there some story about a guy who died while on some pill for erectile dysfunction? Because I mean...that would be pretty embarrassin' at a wake. That was a man who died with a smile on his face though. [ If it was even a true story and not an old wive's tale passed down over the generations. ]

[almightythirst]

[ It feels good to be able to still get a genuine laugh out of Ashe. It’s not something he would have thought he’d ever be setting out to do again, but here they are. Life is weird like that; and for once, he’s not resenting the sort of weirdness that Deerington has brought on. ]

Yeah, I think I remember hearin’ about that, [ He says thoughtfully, a laugh in his voice. ] You hear about the man who went to a costume party dressed up like a chicken? Met a woman dressed like an egg. One thing lead to another, and they answered that lifelong question: it was the chicken.

[cashe]

'Course it was that damn chicken.

[ She's grinning wide as she shakes her head, before it brings up another joke that she recalls hearing. Something along those lines.]

Okay, along that line. What's the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball?

[ She raises an eyebrow, a crooked smile on her face. ]

A guy will go lookin' for a golf ball. [ She points towards the screen. ] And that's why the chicken came first.

[almightythirst]

[ Jesse curses under his breath and covers his eyes with one hand, his grin still fully visible. ]

That’s it. I don’t got one to top that in me, least not right now. You win the prize, whatever that is.

[cashe]

[ She laughing too, trying to keep it quiet though so that she doesn't wake up Chloe. ]

The satisfaction of your surrender is enough prize for me this evenin'. Seems like I still got the dirtier mind.

[almightythirst]

Yeah yeah, we'll see about that sometime that isn't the middle of the night. Or, uh- morning, I guess. I'll give it another shot after a little shut-eye.

[ He keeps smiling, but something goes more serious somewhere behind his eyes. ]

You make sure you get some sleep yourself. B.O.B. is there to keep an eye on her too, right?

[cashe]

What? Like you were sleepin'? [ She gives a coy smile. It's rather adorable that he thinks she won't message him in the middle of the night.

But that look in his eyes gives her pause, and she offers a small nod. ] Yeah. He's here. Havin' a power nap himself though. [ A sudden feeling of dread at cutting the feed fills her, but she tries to brush off the anxiety. ] Yeah. I'll try.

[almightythirst]

[ If Ashe thinks Jesse had been gearing up to end the call, she’s got another thing coming—that thing being Jesse settling in further, cup in hand. He gets it. He’s sat up plenty of nights before, knowing there’s nothing he can really do, but unable to relax anyway.

Because what if they wake up? What if they need something, anything at all, and you aren’t there? Rationality doesn’t matter so much as your brain’s insistence that you stay awake. ]

Good. When B.O.B. is back online, get yourself to bed. Guess we’ll just have to entertain ourselves ‘til then.

[cashe]

[ There is something comforting in the reassurance that he isn't going anywhere. She has his serape warming her lap, and she pulls it up a little closer. She recalls an old sweat shirt of his that she'd worn holes into for all the times she's worn it after he'd been gone. It felt a little bit like that.

It's not hard to miss the little smile that she gives despite that it's only there for a moment. ]

Guess we will.

So, tell me the worst. How bad does this place get? What do I have to look forward to in my time here?

[almightythirst]

[ Her smile is gone fast, but it’d been there nonetheless. He’ll take that as a victory. ]

You want to know the truth? This kind of thing is the worst.

[ He knows he doesn’t have to say Chloe’s name for Ashe to know what he means. ]

I mean, there’s crazier stuff. Last October the whole town was basically flooded with blood. Literally. We had boats. And there’re monsters and all, but… makin’ you turn on people. Makin’ people turn on you. Gettin’ inside your head. That’s the worst.

[ He pauses, takes a sip of coffee. ]

... Also the giant flyin' spiders were pretty bad.

[cashe]

Giant flyin' spiders? Yeah...that'd be a no thank you from me.

[ She nods, because she does know what he means. There is a thought that's been crossing her head ever since she's started to see how badly people can turn on each other.

She purses her lips, bringing a finger up to tap against her mouth as she thinks. ]

So people just turn on each other? Like...bringin' up the old baggage. [ Their baggage isn't even old and she's made an agreement to not turn on him. It's occurred to her that this place might make that hard if it sucks her in. ]

I'm sayin' right here and right now. I made an agreement to not shoot you and I stand by my word. If I try...it ain't me, and you've got every right to stop me or take me out or whatever it is you somehow always manage to do. Just don't think I've broken my word.

[almightythirst]

[ Jesse gives that offer the consideration it deserves, his expression unreadable as he stares down at the dregs of his coffee. He's solemn, suddenly. Maybe because this isn't just some thought exercise--it's a real possibility. ]

That goes both ways, y'know. It's a two-way street.

[ He looks up then and nods at the video feed. ]

I'll know it wasn't you. Just know the same goes for me, alright?

[cashe]

[ There is a heaviness to the moment and she isn't sure if it's the emotion or exhaustion. With Deerington at their heels, it's unlikely their past won't somehow rear its ugly head. ]

I'll keep that in mind too. In the meantime don't do somethin' stupid like steal my bike again.

[ Ashe goes to smile, but instead she'd hit by a yawn and she brings her hand up to cover her mouth. ] Hmm. Excuse me.

[ Glancing outside she can make out the just slightly lighter colored sky. Had they been talkin' that long. It's reassuring that he'd stay on the feed for her. It reminded her of chatting with him until her head hit his shoulder and she fell asleep with him as her pillow. ] I think we've gone from it being way too late to way too early.