almightythirst | Deerington Inbox

[ She’s right. Jesse’s stomach twists unpleasantly at the thought, but he doesn’t try to deflect the blame, letting it settle over him instead. Like most disastrous situations, there had been several factors in things going straight to hell. Having only played a small part doesn’t mean being any less responsible for the outcome.

What he doesn’t— or can’t— deflect is the quicksilver sting of irritation as she shrugs his concerns off again. Instead of insisting she sit down, or instead of trying to get through to her again, Jesse watches Chloe stand with a deeply-etched frown on his face. Later, he’ll puzzle over that last bit. The part about dying. Later, when he’s in a better position for making bad decisions. ]

If you’re really gonna keep takin’ his word over the word of people who actually care about you, then I don’t know what else to say.

[ Later, when she was calm, Chloe would likely feel terrible for the way she’d handled all of this, like she always did whenever she spoke from her emotions instead of her head. She was never very good at biting her tongue or keeping her temper in check, not unless she went completely silent all together. Which seemed to be what she chose for a moment, wondering if she should just leave it all at that.

There was a small stab of guilt at the words he chose, people who actually care about you, and she lifted her hand to scratch at the back of her neck. ]

Yeah, well - in my experience, it’s the people who say they care about you who are more likely to fuck you over. Especially when they disagree with you and think you’re just some dumb kid. [ She rubs at her face with her own irritation before she goes to grab her coffee from the table just to have something to hold.

Maybe it’s not fair to hold him to the same low expectations she has of people at home. Believing adults actually want to help and don’t just want to tell her what to do is so damn hard, though. ]

I don’t meet him unarmed. I don’t go anywhere with him that I can get cornered. No dark alleys, no enclosed buildings, no narrow streets. I’m - I’m being as cautious as I can be, okay? But I know he won’t kill me again. I’m not asking you to like it, I’m just asking you to - [ She cuts herself off as she tries to think of what it is she’s actually asking, not sure at first, before she lets out another sigh as she finds the words. ] To trust me. Please.

[ Jesse won’t be feeling any better about this later. He’s the adult here. Shouldn’t he be all level-headed, giving good advice and not letting his emotions get the better of him? At the end of the day, they’re just two people with good intentions trying to do their best. ]

It’s not you I don’t trust.

[ That’s the best he can do. If it were just about anyone else, in any other situation, he’d be more flexible. More willing to look for alternative ways to handle this. But it’s Reaper, and that changes things. ]

And I don’t think you’re dumb, for the record.

You’ve got a funny way of showing it when you’re telling me what to do or that I don’t know what I’m talking about. [ It’s said in more of a grumble than as harsh as her words might have sounded, looking down at her feet as she spoke instead of at him. If there was any ever doubt of how much of a kid Chloe still was, it probably shone brightly in the moment.

Her lips pursed for a moment, some of her anger having at least dissipated when he said he didn’t think she was dumb. It wasn’t often that people actually corrected her on that when she brought it up and it at least meant something to her. Enough of a something to at least make her not just storm off in a huff, like she usually did. ]

Are you... disappointed in me?

[ Craving relationships with adults and wanting their approval while simultaneously not fully trusting any of them was an extremely exhausting balance. ]

[ That question, simple as it is, leaves Jesse baffled. ]

What?

[ It’s been a long time since he thought about that aspect of being a kid. It’s funny how, as adults, the things that mattered so much can sometimes fall into the gray spaces of memory. Not forgotten, but so hard to remember until they’re brought to light somehow. Confusion gives way to understanding, and Jesse lets out another sigh, this one more like he’s letting down a burden than simply breathing. ]

Chloe… no. I’m a lot of things when it comes to this mess, but disappointed in you? [ He shakes his head. ] ‘Course I’m not.

[ There's some visible relief, even if she doesn't look any less awkward after asking. Prone to making people disappointed on a regular basis until they all decided to give up on her, there's always some sort of safety in being told the opposite.

She rubs the back of her neck, clearing her throat, still looking at her shoes like they're the most fascinating thing since the Great Wall of China. ]

... Okay.

[ Jesse’s expression isn’t quite a smile. It’s a little too worn-down for that, a little too sad maybe. But it’s there as he stands up and walks over to her, leaving his coffee behind. ]

Hey.

[ Doesn’t matter if she has a hat on or not today— he’s ruffling up her hair with or without it. ]

What’s down there on the floor that’s more interestin’ than my handsome mug, huh?

[ There's a grumbled protest as she gives a half-assed attempt at batting his hand away. Like she cares about hair she barely even brushes. ]

Iunno. [ It's said with a shrug, scrunching her mouth before she lifts her head just enough to look at him. ] You know, this is the first time I think you've ever really told me about stuff from your world. Even if it is a shitty reason to talk about it. I never thought about it before, but I guess I've never really asked.

[ Jesse hadn’t thought about it either, but now that she mentions it… ]

Yeah, well… guess I never really offered, huh?

[ He pulls his hand back, slipping his thumbs— both real and metal— into the pockets of his PJs. ]

Think I’m out of practice, talkin’ about myself. I had to keep a low profile back home. Talkin’ about the past would be a surefire way to invite trouble in.

[ Trouble like getting tracked down by the likes of Reaper, which is a moot point here basically. ]

Yeah. I mean, I haven't really been any better about it - uh, minus the... drunk texts. Sorry about those, by the way.

[ She rubs the back of her neck again, rocking some on her heals. ]

But maybe you could get back into practice. It'd be cool to know more about you.

Don’t have to apologize to me about sendin’ off a drunk text or two. So long as you don’t make it a habit.

[ It’s one thing for him to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, another entirely to let it slide with Chloe. ]

But yeah. Same goes for you. Just be patient with me if I’m not so good at the whole… [ He gestures vaguely with his left hand, indicating the whole 'mutual socializing' thing. ]

[ Haha.... hahahaha.... Too late on that one, likely; at least she's usually wise enough to only send her nightly drunk texts to people like Eddie or Lance. ]

I think I can do that. Maybe we'll have to do a round of 20 questions or something, force it out of each other.

[ That is a half joke. ]

[ Jesse lets out a surprised laugh. Has he ever played a game like that? At least, one where he didn’t lie through his teeth? ]

... Y’know what? Alright. Let’s do it when we get around to that movie night we got planned.

[ Assuming that old plan still stands. ]

[ She grins at his laugh, visibly relaxing at it. ]

Cool. That sounds like a good idea.

[ Chloe pauses before she goes in to give him a tight hug. Sudden, maybe, but it doesn’t feel wrong. ]

Soon, okay? [ A lot of people she knows have been disappearing lately and she’s worried he’ll do the same before they can watch some stupid western. ]

[ It’s an almost embarrassing deer-in-headlights moment for Jesse, when Chloe hugs him. He’s not touch-averse at all, but… it’s just been a long time since a friend did that. Hell, they hadn’t even been so touchy-feely back in Blackwatch.

There’s a second or two that passes, his arms hesitating out on either side of her in a moment of indecision before he returns the hug.

Being a family man will never be in the cards for him, that much he’s sure of. A vigilante like him could never settle long enough. Jesse has known this for a long time. So he’d never expected to feel this particular sort of fond, protective rush of emotion that he does holding Chloe. Damn near paternal, though no one better dark say as much. ]

Yeah. Soon, I promise.

[ It was rather ironic, considering - Chloe was touch-averse, often shying away from having someone even brush up against her shoulder. But there were a handful of people that she let herself let go of it for, to relax and to trust in a way that she didn't most. McCree was apparently one of them, one of a small number that she could barely count on one hand.

It's why her hug was maybe tighter than it needed to be, her eyes closing when she feels him return it and she take a moment to cherish that. It takes her a minute to finally pull away, straightening out her shirt a little awkwardly and clearing her throat. ]

I'll um - I'll let you ... get into some real clothes. Or catch a few more hours of sleep.

[ Tense as things had gotten just moments before, the hug feels like it goes a long way in balancing things back out. They might not agree on some pretty big things, and they’ve both got their struggles when it comes to opening up about the stuff that matters, but… they’ll be okay. ]

You sayin’ you don’t like my PJs?

[ Not that they’re typical anyway. He glances down at his shirt with a quiet laugh, shaking his head. He's made worse decisions while high before. But he has no intention of telling Chloe that as he looks back at her and nods. ]

Thanks for the coffee. And for comin’ by to let me say my piece.

[ Even if she doesn’t pay it any mind, she’d listened. ]

They're great if you're trying to imitate one of those pictures where an image pops out at you after you cross your eyes just right.

[ She is definitely saying she hates his PJs, but at least she does it with a smile.

One that gets a little smaller at his thanks for talking. She gives a nod, looking down at her feet again for a second. But only a second this time, able to actually look at his face again while talking. ]

Yeah. I actually kinda care about your opinion on shit, I guess, so - [ She shrugs. It's new territory for her to give a shit about what adults have to say, that's pretty clear. ] If it looks like I might... I dunno, be in over my head or whatever, I'll let you know.

[ Jesse lets out an indignant Hey! at the comment about his clothes, but… well, she’s not actually wrong. Even on his worst days, he’d have put a little more effort into his at-home wear than this.

Hard to be mad about it though when she follows up with that. Jesse smiles, nodding once. ]

I’ll hold you to that. Even if you’re not sure, call anyway. Better off with too much backup instead of not enough.

[ She nods, grabbing her own coffee cup again. ]

I will. Cross my heart.

[ She even does so with her finger, because she's still a teenager at the end of the day. She gives him a grin. ]

I'll see you later, Jesse. Go get dressed.

[ She goes to head for the door on a much better parting note than this could have potentially ended with, honestly. ]

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