Ashe had never been very understanding of the fact that his worldview had shifted from her own. The fact was that people changed, and she was seeing the shift in her own adjustments here in Deerington. While her work here wasn't that much different than her work back home, it could be said that there was a cause to it. It wasn't just black market work that filled her piggy bank and cushioned the life she was used to living. People needed her and the truth was, she'd never known what being needed was like.
All of this allowed for a widening peep hole into what Jesse meant in regards to leaving Deadlock and needing more. If she remembered all of this when they finally got home, she wasn't sure how she would respond to the damage she caused that held no purpose. She wasn't at a point of changing her ways, obviously, but she wasn't the same woman who'd shown up nearly a year and a half ago.
"I think, I can try and understand that. I'm still...angry Jesse..." She trails off, because...was she? It had been awhile since her rage had gotten the best of her. The fact that she had just murdered several townsfolk in cold blood suggested otherwise, but it was done in protection of a loved one; meant as a gang message that her people were not to be fucked with. In her world, that was how to stayed alive, and it wasn't anger so much as survival.
Despite that her anger seemed to be shelved, it was kept at close range. This joy that she had carved out with Jesse and Chloe and the few individuals who truly filled her life with warmth felt so fragile and anger was her defense so she still felt the need to keep it at arm's reach.
"You're right, we built Deadlock on fury and vengeance and we rode it the top because we had more of it than the rest of them." She glanced up at him. "But we also built it on our blood and well...I should have always known you can't really remove blood. And if it's a cause you're lookin' for, well...without even meanin' too I guess I've been workin' for one. Tonight, that was a cause too, and brutal as it was, you know as well as I do messages sometimes gotta be sent."
She let out a sigh. "Ever since you got back on my radar I've been tryin' to prove somethin' to you. This feud has been goin' on so long, I forgot what I was even tryin' to prove. And here you are sayin' I got nothin' to prove to you."
A smile curved at the corner of her lips, and her eyes showed exhaustion, but there was a hint of mirth mixed into her gaze. "Damn Jesse, you just keep confusin' me. But I get it, kind of. 'Least I'm tryin' to see from someone else's perspective."
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All of this allowed for a widening peep hole into what Jesse meant in regards to leaving Deadlock and needing more. If she remembered all of this when they finally got home, she wasn't sure how she would respond to the damage she caused that held no purpose. She wasn't at a point of changing her ways, obviously, but she wasn't the same woman who'd shown up nearly a year and a half ago.
"I think, I can try and understand that. I'm still...angry Jesse..." She trails off, because...was she? It had been awhile since her rage had gotten the best of her. The fact that she had just murdered several townsfolk in cold blood suggested otherwise, but it was done in protection of a loved one; meant as a gang message that her people were not to be fucked with. In her world, that was how to stayed alive, and it wasn't anger so much as survival.
Despite that her anger seemed to be shelved, it was kept at close range. This joy that she had carved out with Jesse and Chloe and the few individuals who truly filled her life with warmth felt so fragile and anger was her defense so she still felt the need to keep it at arm's reach.
"You're right, we built Deadlock on fury and vengeance and we rode it the top because we had more of it than the rest of them." She glanced up at him. "But we also built it on our blood and well...I should have always known you can't really remove blood. And if it's a cause you're lookin' for, well...without even meanin' too I guess I've been workin' for one. Tonight, that was a cause too, and brutal as it was, you know as well as I do messages sometimes gotta be sent."
She let out a sigh. "Ever since you got back on my radar I've been tryin' to prove somethin' to you. This feud has been goin' on so long, I forgot what I was even tryin' to prove. And here you are sayin' I got nothin' to prove to you."
A smile curved at the corner of her lips, and her eyes showed exhaustion, but there was a hint of mirth mixed into her gaze. "Damn Jesse, you just keep confusin' me. But I get it, kind of. 'Least I'm tryin' to see from someone else's perspective."