[ And again Jesse doesn't feed into the anger. Though she's still on edge, there isn't anything he says that inches her towards the edge of rage. Were they learning to talk to each other again? Had they come that far? She's not quite ready to trust that. At first she flinches under his touch, a knee jerk response to run because she might get hurt, but she doesn't. It's a testament to the growth between them. Instead, she lets out a deep breath to relax before allowing his words to full sink in.
He was who he was because of both of them.
The man who was standing there with her was a product of every situation that life had thrown at him, and likewise so was she. Wanting him to be the same as when he'd been taken wasn't fair. He was right, she was holding onto ghosts. Blaming a ghost for sure, but also clinging to the ghosts of who they had been. Trapped in a past that made her both nostalgic and angry. ]
I'm so angry. I don't know how to not be angry.
[ Just recently she had read Max to the riot act on living in the past and holding to it so tightly with refusal to accept reality that she was at risk of ruining the future. If she couldn't somehow accept that this was a huge part of who Jesse was then she was liable to poison everything they could have. Whatever Blackwatch had been to him or done to him or how he felt about that time, he was standing there with her. Blackwatch and Reyes had not been successful at destroying what they had together. That had to mean something about the strength of the foundation they had built as children. ]
Maybe you're right, maybe I am fightin' ghosts, but those ghosts keep hauntin' me. [ She slowly turned around so that she was looking at him. ]
But I'm afraid that you'd leave me again. For Blackwatch, for Overwatch, for someone else. [ That girl he'd been falling for here, maybe. ] No matter how hard I try, I can't make myself feel nothing for you. Never have been able to. I tried to cut you out of my damn heart and it won't listen. And now I... care again, and I'm waitin' for something to take you away.
[ She grit her teeth again to try and hold back the emotion. ] What if I'm not enough? I've never been enough before. Not for my parents, not enough for that man who took you and left me behind, and not enough for you to stay that day you came back. Seein' you like that, so happy with them...it reminds me that you don't need me.
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He was who he was because of both of them.
The man who was standing there with her was a product of every situation that life had thrown at him, and likewise so was she. Wanting him to be the same as when he'd been taken wasn't fair. He was right, she was holding onto ghosts. Blaming a ghost for sure, but also clinging to the ghosts of who they had been. Trapped in a past that made her both nostalgic and angry. ]
I'm so angry. I don't know how to not be angry.
[ Just recently she had read Max to the riot act on living in the past and holding to it so tightly with refusal to accept reality that she was at risk of ruining the future. If she couldn't somehow accept that this was a huge part of who Jesse was then she was liable to poison everything they could have. Whatever Blackwatch had been to him or done to him or how he felt about that time, he was standing there with her. Blackwatch and Reyes had not been successful at destroying what they had together. That had to mean something about the strength of the foundation they had built as children. ]
Maybe you're right, maybe I am fightin' ghosts, but those ghosts keep hauntin' me. [ She slowly turned around so that she was looking at him. ]
But I'm afraid that you'd leave me again. For Blackwatch, for Overwatch, for someone else. [ That girl he'd been falling for here, maybe. ] No matter how hard I try, I can't make myself feel nothing for you. Never have been able to. I tried to cut you out of my damn heart and it won't listen. And now I... care again, and I'm waitin' for something to take you away.
[ She grit her teeth again to try and hold back the emotion. ] What if I'm not enough? I've never been enough before. Not for my parents, not enough for that man who took you and left me behind, and not enough for you to stay that day you came back. Seein' you like that, so happy with them...it reminds me that you don't need me.