[ Ashe had been expecting a fight, some barking comment that protected Blackwatch from her anger, and she wasn't entirely sure how to respond when she wasn't given one. Fighting was at least something that she was used to, and it would be so easy to let it spiral.
There was plenty of anger, at least on her end, and it was visible in the way she curled in on herself and took long drags from the cigarette as she tried to figure out where to go with that anger. To her, Blackwatch wasn't family, in fact it had torn hers up and somehow managed to turn Jesse against their family. One thing she couldn't fault him was finding family again, she knew damn well you had to dig through the dirt of life to make a family and sometimes it happened in the most unlikely of ways. Sometimes it brought desperate teens together to form their own in a crime ring. Sometimes it made you reach out to the people who had taken you because they were the life you had. Sometimes it made your brain rework itself to connect you to the people you trusted most. The bottom line was that a makeshift family was often found in the ugliest of situations because people needed family.
She scoffed at the mention of ethics. ]
He took you, 'cause you would. [ As far as the world had shown her, there wasn't really any good. People liked to divide the population into people who did good and people who did bad, and there was some murky guidelines to what was required to do each, but those who followed the ethical guidelines did so because they felt better about themselves. ] Ethics is just some bullshit idea thought up by philosophers and religious men who use it as a control method to make people do what they want them to under the promise of some eternal reward. Bottom line is, you did illegal stuff with Deadlock, you did illegal stuff with Blackwatch, and you still do illegal stuff. It ain't complicated. You moved from listenin' to a bad woman to followin' a bad man.
[ The feelings were rolling around inside of her and she felt so antsy that she had to get up and put a little bit of distance between them. She paced over to the large windows and stared out into the snowy night. ] You finally broke free from both of us and started makin' your own choices. That man and I...we're both self motivated and we want what we want and we both wanted you. [ She turns around to look at him finally and she has tears running down her cheeks. ] But I asked you to start Deadlock with me because I... loved you and I wanted you. [ She grits her teeth on the words because it's so hard to get out and it's probably the first time she's ever said it in any regard towards him. ] He forced you into Blackwatch with an ultimatum because he wanted your talents. Somehow he managed to make you feel guilty for everythin' you did with Deadlock, while simultaneously usin' you for his own illegal activity. How am I supposed to see anythin' when I look at him other than a con artist who took advantage of every single one of your vulnerabilities?
[ She turned back to the window so he wouldn't see that she was gripped with fear. The words she was saying weren't exactly kind and for all she knew, he'd buckle down and head right out the door and away from her because he didn't like what she was saying. She didn't want to ruin his good memories, but she was too bullheaded and vocal to keep her frustrations to herself. Every little bit of happiness she won, she seemed to find a way to ruin. All those years ago when he'd returned to see her after Blackwatch disbanded, she hadn't been successful in telling him how much she'd missed him and how much she'd needed him, so she'd created a rift between them that it had taken until now to begin to overcome. If she lost him again... ]
I get it...Blackwatch is more important to you. Even Sodder thinks so...
no subject
There was plenty of anger, at least on her end, and it was visible in the way she curled in on herself and took long drags from the cigarette as she tried to figure out where to go with that anger. To her, Blackwatch wasn't family, in fact it had torn hers up and somehow managed to turn Jesse against their family. One thing she couldn't fault him was finding family again, she knew damn well you had to dig through the dirt of life to make a family and sometimes it happened in the most unlikely of ways. Sometimes it brought desperate teens together to form their own in a crime ring. Sometimes it made you reach out to the people who had taken you because they were the life you had. Sometimes it made your brain rework itself to connect you to the people you trusted most. The bottom line was that a makeshift family was often found in the ugliest of situations because people needed family.
She scoffed at the mention of ethics. ]
He took you, 'cause you would. [ As far as the world had shown her, there wasn't really any good. People liked to divide the population into people who did good and people who did bad, and there was some murky guidelines to what was required to do each, but those who followed the ethical guidelines did so because they felt better about themselves. ] Ethics is just some bullshit idea thought up by philosophers and religious men who use it as a control method to make people do what they want them to under the promise of some eternal reward. Bottom line is, you did illegal stuff with Deadlock, you did illegal stuff with Blackwatch, and you still do illegal stuff. It ain't complicated. You moved from listenin' to a bad woman to followin' a bad man.
[ The feelings were rolling around inside of her and she felt so antsy that she had to get up and put a little bit of distance between them. She paced over to the large windows and stared out into the snowy night. ] You finally broke free from both of us and started makin' your own choices. That man and I...we're both self motivated and we want what we want and we both wanted you. [ She turns around to look at him finally and she has tears running down her cheeks. ] But I asked you to start Deadlock with me because I... loved you and I wanted you. [ She grits her teeth on the words because it's so hard to get out and it's probably the first time she's ever said it in any regard towards him. ] He forced you into Blackwatch with an ultimatum because he wanted your talents. Somehow he managed to make you feel guilty for everythin' you did with Deadlock, while simultaneously usin' you for his own illegal activity. How am I supposed to see anythin' when I look at him other than a con artist who took advantage of every single one of your vulnerabilities?
[ She turned back to the window so he wouldn't see that she was gripped with fear. The words she was saying weren't exactly kind and for all she knew, he'd buckle down and head right out the door and away from her because he didn't like what she was saying. She didn't want to ruin his good memories, but she was too bullheaded and vocal to keep her frustrations to herself. Every little bit of happiness she won, she seemed to find a way to ruin. All those years ago when he'd returned to see her after Blackwatch disbanded, she hadn't been successful in telling him how much she'd missed him and how much she'd needed him, so she'd created a rift between them that it had taken until now to begin to overcome. If she lost him again... ]
I get it...Blackwatch is more important to you. Even Sodder thinks so...